Le Pauvre

I am poor. It's official. I talked to the Bursar today about lifting the hold on my registration (which they thankfully did), and he told me that I will owe all of the unpaid money at the end of my college career. It's almost surreal. I had about five minutes of clear thoughts and then immediately went into a panic attack. I called my sister in front of Damen and was on the verge of tears, went to my room and let it all out. It's just so damn hard because this brings back all of my family problems. Everyone thinks that my family has money. Well, the correct term was had. I am not going to diminish the fact that my family used to live very comfortably. Money was never a problem. But then my mom left and the restaurant went under and Alex went to college etc etc. So now I carry my own burden. I am officially in the real world. All I can think of are the lyrics to a Katy Rose song:

I keep on looking through the looking glass
And I want to fall on through
Out of the real world to a happy day
Out of the wreckage that I do

When I was in my room, all these crazy (but not so far fetched) thoughts we streaming through my brain like Should I really be at this school? Why am I not at a cheaper school? Can it be possible that the only thing keeping me here is a promise and a good name? I don't know. I seriously don't. What am I going to do? I could never talk to my dad about these things because he is completely stressed out about all our other financial problems as it is. I guess I will talk to Alex tonight. She will have some answers. I hope.