Feel
have you ever felt numb? I'm not talking about pain. i mean have you ever realized that you haven't felt a true, genuine emotion in a long time. nothing really moves you. nothing surprises you. it isn't so much the monotony of the day or week, but that the spark in you isn't there. like your passion is gone. i'm not talking the empty shell feeling. that is what one feels when one is depressed. i'm talking about the feeling of when you are full of the need to experience life, but life isn't really feeding your hunger. you haven't been truly scared or hurt or happy or sad in a long time. i want that. i feel like something bad is going to happen that will hit me. i feel like i need something.
i used to be into wicca. no joke. i really like how it takes the things that we do not recognize anymore, the things that people have recognized all throughout history up until very recently, and it celebrates them. like the phases of the moon. no one keeps track of that anymore. people just comment when it looks big or creepy. what if we had lunar months? what if we celebrated the sabbats like yule, beltane (may day), or ludansagah? those are celebrations that revere the fact that another year has passed, that thank the earth for supporting us, that celebrate life. maybe i should give that a shot again. ease in slowly instead of immersing myself like last time.
what about other things? is astrology real? tarot cards? divination? who are we to say that, when done properly by a true seer, that they can tell the future? it all seems far fetched when read, i know. as i type this i am questioning myself. but really, if christians can believe in a trinity and transsubstantiation, that hindus can believe in reincarnation, why does wicca sound so out there? i think it is really peaceful and honorable. i think it embraces and enriches contemporary life by drawing attention back to nature, to our inner selves. it has an air of mysticism. it has a history that goes back many millenia. i am going to read up on it and make a decision.
what i really need, though, is feeling. i need it back. i see all my destructive habits as attempts to rekindle feeling. i need to stop. i need to reflect.
i used to be into wicca. no joke. i really like how it takes the things that we do not recognize anymore, the things that people have recognized all throughout history up until very recently, and it celebrates them. like the phases of the moon. no one keeps track of that anymore. people just comment when it looks big or creepy. what if we had lunar months? what if we celebrated the sabbats like yule, beltane (may day), or ludansagah? those are celebrations that revere the fact that another year has passed, that thank the earth for supporting us, that celebrate life. maybe i should give that a shot again. ease in slowly instead of immersing myself like last time.
what about other things? is astrology real? tarot cards? divination? who are we to say that, when done properly by a true seer, that they can tell the future? it all seems far fetched when read, i know. as i type this i am questioning myself. but really, if christians can believe in a trinity and transsubstantiation, that hindus can believe in reincarnation, why does wicca sound so out there? i think it is really peaceful and honorable. i think it embraces and enriches contemporary life by drawing attention back to nature, to our inner selves. it has an air of mysticism. it has a history that goes back many millenia. i am going to read up on it and make a decision.
what i really need, though, is feeling. i need it back. i see all my destructive habits as attempts to rekindle feeling. i need to stop. i need to reflect.
posted by porgie at
11:34 PM
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