Hello Summer

So the beginning of week 2 of summer is just beginning. Of course, i am at work, waiting for something to finish running/staining/blocking/binding/spinning/etc. If finished the Iliad and i pretty much came all over myself as i was reading the last page. It was amazing. Now, I'm reading the Odyssey, which is an awesome book and also gives me flashbacks to freshman year, which are nice. It's Kaite's birthday on tuesday and i hope i can have people over after the debacle that was my pimps and hoes party. My dad was pretty pissed about that but at least i came out with a lesson: never EVER drink alcohol after you have smoked pot. NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER. Just don't do it. There is no reason. I was fucked up enough and then keegan came out with a bottle of rum and i took a swig, and about thirty seconds later it was throwing up. goddamn. oh well. I did get to see everyone and i got to see my Lyss. She is leaving today. Major frown. I had so much fun with her and i am definitely going to Seattle in august to see her. i also have to buy a plane ticket to philie to see Alison! aaahhhhh. I need money. oh well, working at least 30hrs a week here will give me some cash. At least i am learing loads of stuff from reading and working here now.


ps. bbc radio 4 pretty much kicks ass!

Leave Behind the Half-Life

Days until Exams begin: 1
Days until I return to STL: 8

What to say?

I wen to Harriet's last night, saw everyone i've ever met at Loyola. Had a blast! Dropped my almost full pack of ciggies in the cab with my favorite lighter. That kinda got me down. I'm running low on money, motivation, and congeniality. Seriously. More than once this week i was like,' i really don't have to be nice anymore, i am never gonna see half of these people ever again.'

Rodger is fucked up. He came that way. I called in and they are sending a me Blake. Oscar, Rodger, Blake, goddamn. Fucking cell phone.

I am really going to miss Alison. We would be the perfect couple if i was straight (on that note, i made out with a girl while i was drunk for the first time. it was VERY awkward. kinda comforting though to know that i do not like the punani), probs even more than maddy and me. That is the thing, Maddy and I nine months ago would have been the most amazing couple in the history of the world. I'm talking, we could charm a complete stranger into co signing on a million dollar loan if we wanted to. We were that good together. Now, she is obsessed with Audi, which is in no way a bad thing. I love Audi just like i love Maddy, Steph and Katie. It's just that Maddy is not like Steph. Steph seemed destined to be the way she is. Maddy does great with the whole relationship thing, but she isn't the same and i can't figure out if i like that or if i don't. So far, from what i have observed from my trips home, i do not like it. It's not that im not the center of attention, because i was never the center of attention. It's just that i don't feel needed nor appreciated. If i don't call maddy, i won't see her. That upsets me. I love seeing maddy, but i don't feel like she loves seeing me. It's becomming more and more apparent that ALL she wants to do is hang out with Audi.

If you are reading this maddy: remember when we used to make fun of Steph and Katie for only talking to each other, for not wanting to socialize and never calling us, and spending ever waking hour either being with or talking on the phone with each other, well it looks like you have hit that phase sweetie.

It is going to be a million times worse this summer because it is going to be Maddy and Audi's final summer before Maddy goes to Portland and Audi goes to LA. I don't mean any of this in a malicious way. This is just the way it is going to be. I have to deal with it. Whatev. I guess i have a lot of figuring out to do this summer.

In persepective, i would take my problems with my girls at home over loyola any day. In relation to the title, i will be leaving behind a half-life; a life that was enriched by few. when i was home, i caught myself giving the fake sense of interest and concern that i have had to put on here at loyola with so many people. I have to stop that. I finally get to be me. I am so excited!!!!!

Joyous Beltane!!

Days until exams: 7
Days until the end of school: 12

So a few posts ago, i said i was looking into wicca. Well, today is Belatne or May day. It celebrates the marriage of the God (lord of the forests) and Goddess (the earth mother). It marks the beginninig of spring and new renewed furvor of nature in prepearation for the summer solstice. Everyone should light a candle in celebration and just enjoy the spring weather- the animals reemerging, the greening of the earth, the warming of the days, the falling of spring rain.

When i get home, i start my fast. No processed foods (or very little), no meat, no smoking, reverence, reflection...it's going to amazing. I really need this. My life is chaos and i need to regroup and realign before i start my new life at home. It will be a new life indeed because i will be taking everything that i leared from college, all the memories of yearning for things at home, and applying them. I want everyone to help me and encourage me. Just keep me in check basically. I really want this and i need help.

In other news, Rodger arrived today. Oscar is in a box. Rodger is the same phone as Oscar, which is nice because i won't have to learn an entire new operating system. So, feel free to call me.